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 |  Subject: Criticism on the 1st draft  Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:27 am | |
| | Connor's thought patterns are very detailed and it flows well. Some parts may need more perspective/complexity such as racism with humans/Arcanians, Allyson's oddly calm state (imo, any woman would be mortified), discovering the probable perpetrator behind the violence towards Alana and other women. It's interesting how he decides to take action after realizing how lazy policemen are, but what if you could convey that the police are more corrupt and racist? Or have the characters think carefully about their choices and consequences... because it's pretty dangerous for highschool kids to go back to a crime scene. |
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| | Subject: Re: Criticism on the 1st draft Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:01 am | |
| | And those questions will be answered later in the novel. I really don't know the position with Allyson yet she was originally supposed to be the antagonist. |
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