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§traight X Edge
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Posts : 363
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Age : 27
Location : New York, United States
 |  Subject: Grim Reaper  Mon Jun 21, 2010 1:23 am | |
| My English teacher told the class to write a poem using an item as a metaphor to describe their life. This was actually a homework assigned to me by my English teacher during the school year. I still had it lying around so I thought I'd share it with you guys. Post your opinions! 
These bars surround me to cage me.
I need to escape.
It feels like a dream,
Where all I do is fade.
My life in this cage,
A cage bound with chains,
I do nothing but age,
With my life being forsakenly drained.
I need to breakthrough,
Away from this constriction,
Where freedom is a virtue,
Without limitations.
I scream for freedom,
In this cage I reside.
Out of this concealment,
Where I can put my burdens aside. |
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CamoNinja
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Location : Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:24 pm | |
| | could use more imagry |
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MärvïN
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Posts : 437
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Age : 31
Location : Clinton Twp, Michigan
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:33 pm | |
| It's good, but as Camo suggested. ^
I know you can write very well, so don't short change yourself. |
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§traight X Edge
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Age : 27
Location : New York, United States
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Wed Jun 23, 2010 12:33 am | |
| | The teacher wanted metaphors not imagery. This was done in 10 minutes, mind you! |
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CamoNinja
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Location : Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Wed Jun 23, 2010 1:24 pm | |
| ok well im just saying it would be even better if it had imagry  |
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§traight X Edge
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Location : New York, United States
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:06 am | |
| | Probably would have but then it'd be super long. @_@ |
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CamoNinja
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Location : Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:12 pm | |
| | failure |
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§traight X Edge
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Location : New York, United States
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:21 pm | |
| | Well if I put imagery I'm going to have to include the constriction of the chains and describe how the bars represent all my restriction from freedom. Plus if you haven't noticed every other line rhymes. I tried to make it that way on purpose and it took me awhile to find the right words. Someone complained, "I didn't understand the poem because the words were too big." |
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Smeggles
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Age : 31
Location : Michigan
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Fri Jun 25, 2010 3:04 am | |
| | Whoever said the words were too big is a dumbass. |
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§traight X Edge
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Posts : 363
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Age : 27
Location : New York, United States
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Fri Jun 25, 2010 9:05 am | |
| | Lol @ Smeggles. Idk he was probably joking... hopefully. |
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CamoNinja
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Location : Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Fri Jun 25, 2010 5:06 pm | |
| - Vir | §YN | wrote:
- Well if I put imagery I'm going to have to include the constriction of the chains and describe how the bars represent all my restriction from freedom. Plus if you haven't noticed every other line rhymes. I tried to make it that way on purpose and it took me awhile to find the right words. Someone complained, "I didn't understand the poem because the words were too big."
omfg vir you are the biggest failure in the history of fail |
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§traight X Edge
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Gender :
Posts : 363
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Age : 27
Location : New York, United States
| | Subject: Re: Grim Reaper Fri Jun 25, 2010 8:33 pm | |
| - CamoNinja wrote:
- Vir | §YN | wrote:
- Well if I put imagery I'm going to have to include the constriction of the chains and describe how the bars represent all my restriction from freedom. Plus if you haven't noticed every other line rhymes. I tried to make it that way on purpose and it took me awhile to find the right words. Someone complained, "I didn't understand the poem because the words were too big."
omfg vir you are the biggest failure in the history of fail
Next to you. |
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